


Izzy's Eyes

by princess_mouse



Category: Guns N' Roses
Genre: Friendship/Love, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-27 20:59:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10049000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princess_mouse/pseuds/princess_mouse
Summary: Izzy's stormy eyes see a lot of things he likes and doesn't like.





	1. Izzy's Eyes

It never occurred to anyone that Izzy’s introverted nature was a method of observing his surroundings. His silence deflected interviewers and paparazzi. He liked to be in his own world where it was only him and what he saw. He knew more about his bandmates lives than they would have suspected.

He knew that Axl put on a smile when the world was pulling him down.

He knew where Steven would stash his drugs when they would raid his house to attempt to help him sober up.

He knew Slash didn’t practice what he preached about drug use or loyalty to the band.

He knew Duff was one depressed step away from drinking himself to death to escape it all.

And Izzy himself was a quiet observer, watching the band slowly crumble.

It was evident in one photograph.

Izzy sat away from the group on a small ottoman. The other members were cramped up on a small armchair. Duff and Steven were seated on the other side on a chair.

Steven’s smile was overcompensating for something. Duff tried to look happy but the pain in his eyes was readable. Seated in the armchair, Slash sat like a king with his cocky smirk and a cigarette hanging from his lips. Axl tried to look cheerful with Slash’s arm slung over his leg, as he perched on top of the arm chair.

Izzy was close to Axl like always, the tension of the room made him feel uneasy but he stayed quiet.

“You ruined the photo,” Axl joked when he showed Izzy the photo later on. “Why do you look so sad?”

Axl’s blue-green eyes were red and puffy. He stood before Izzy holding out the photo like a small child holding it’s hand out to be held. “The better question is why do you look so sad, Ax?”

He didn’t miss the quiver in Axl’s lip or the falter in his expression. He didn’t need to ask, he knew exactly what was wrong. Axl was being stoic for the sake of trying. “Come here,” Izzy said opening his arms up as an open invitation for a snuggle.

Izzy felt Axl crawl into his lap and cuddle up as close as he could. He closed his arms protectively around his best friend and pulled him tightly into his chest. Axl relaxed into the hold. Izzy waited, he knew Axl was going to break down. He took the risk and pressed his lips gently to the redhead’s temple.

The night before he had fought a bottle of vodka out of Duff’s hands. It was an easy fight because Duff was drunk but a fight nonetheless. When he finally got a hold of Duff’s wrists he pulled him down to the floor and held him. He let Duff fight and cry till he no longer could. He soothed him and once Duff was calm, he put him to bed.

Axl’s chest constricted but he held it together.

“He’s not worth it, babe,” Izzy whispered.

Slash and Steven were both not worth it. Not worth the pain and suffering they inflicted on Axl and Duff or the band. Izzy had sensed something was up with Slash and Steven, he knew they were childhood friends but he also knew they got stoned a lot together. It happened to be Duff who stumbled upon them in bed together. All Steven’s actions and affection towards Duff lately had been an attempt to cover up his cheating. It caused Duff to feel empty inside, every day he drank more to quiet the self doubt he felt.

Slash was another story- he denied he ever cheated. In the night when they thought everyone was asleep, Axl and Slash argued in hushed tones. Axl begging for the truth and Slash saying he was being paranoid.

“Why am I not worth the truth?” Axl squeaked out. Izzy almost missed the question completely.

He’d loved Axl since the first day they met. He knew him in ways not even Slash did and he knew when there had to be boundaries. They were friends with a platonic kind of relationship. Axl in his eyes was worth the world but Slash didn’t see that through his hypocritical drug fueled eyes.

“What if I told you that you are?” Izzy offered. “What if I told you that you are one of most important people in my life?”

He didn’t expect it but Axl let out a bitter laugh. It was cold as ice and stung. “You’re always going to say that though, Iz. We’re friends,” Axl chided.

“You were cheated on and hurt but that doesn’t change that you are Axl Rose. If anything, that should be fuel to the fire,” Izzy laughed lightly as he pulled at a piece of Axl’s red hair.

Axl shifted in Izzy’s lap so he could straddle him and look into his eyes. Those stormy gray eyes that had seen him at the worst of times looked at him with understanding. Izzy had always been a mystery; his eyes would speak a wide range of emotions from concerned to admiration (even if he hardly spoke aloud). Izzy’s eyes had looked upon the bruises and abuse, taken in the tears from Axl’s own blue eyes, and seen potential in a human that society had deemed worthless.

“You realize this doesn’t look good,” Izzy pointed out their position. He didn’t care but for the sake of prosperity and respect anyone could walk in on them.

The redhead snorted at the comment, “My boyfriend cheated on me then had the nerve to lie about it to my face; and you’re worried that this might look bad?”

Just to prove Axl rolled his hips a bit.

“Quit being a tease,” was the only warning he was getting. This tension had been building up for twenty some years.

Axl batted his long eyelashes. The whole innocent act didn’t work on Izzy though. Being the complete brat that he was, Axl rolled his hips again into Izzy’s. The friction alone was driving Izzy crazy. Best friend or not, he hated Axl.

“You have a boner,” Axl shrieked out with a giant smile on his face.

Izzy glared at the redhead who was mocking him. “You have one too, idiot,” Izzy snapped back.

They sat in awkward contentment. Axl still moving his hips like the tease he was but he needed more. It had been almost a month since the whole cheating incident and Izzy had been the one to do clean up.

“Izzy, I want you to kiss me,” the redhead whispered. His voice coming out velvety and seductive.

He made it impossible to say no, it was impossible to resist. Without thinking Izzy pressed his lips to Axl’s. He kissed him like it would be the only time they got too. Izzy bit at Axl’s lower lip to gain more access. The redhead moaned and pulled Izzy deeper into the kiss. Their hands searching to grab any part of each other. Axl was pulling Izzy in further, trying to hint to switch positions. Izzy’s fingers were carded in a tangled mess of red hair.

“This is fucking hot,” a voice howled breaking the boys from their kiss.

Axl instantly pulled away and buried his face into the crook of Izzy’s shoulder. Izzy caught the glimpse of his best friends blown out pupils.

Izzy’s stormy eyes met with the soft brown of Duff’s eyes.

Leaning casually against the doorframe Duff was watching the pair. He was smiling at them in a nonthreatening way. “I feel left out,” Duff joked lightheartedly.

Feeling brave Axl popped his head up from Izzy’s shoulder to look at Duff. “Izzy is a good kisser,” Axl admitted.

Stormy eyes darted around the room, taking in the surroundings, the people, and the situation. A pair of blue eyes with blown out pupils looked at him like he was a God. Soft brown eyes begging slightly to be included.

“So, who feels like making their ex-boyfriend jealous?” Izzy purposed.

Axl’s lips turned up into a devious smile as Duff sauntered over to the couch and joined them. Before Izzy could even execute his plan, Duff leaned forward and kissed Axl.

Izzy’s eyes clouded over with lust, did he ever like what he saw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a fascination with writing about eyes and how they see the world.
> 
> Feedback me!! I feel compelled to expand it a bit.


	2. Duff's Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duff suffers silently.

“Move over,” Duff groaned into the darkness of the room. 

His body ached and his head throbbed.

The person beside him was unresponsive. The smaller being was drawn in by the warmth and wasn’t going to let go anytime soon.

“Move the fuck over, Steven!” Duff snapped as he shoved the blonde away from him. “And don’t touch me.” 

Those were some of the last words Duff had said before Steven started to room with Slash. He hated how bitter he sounded and how the words cut at his tongue when he spoke, but he was in pain. He couldn’t drown the pain with alcohol but he could dull it. He could always feel Steven’s vibrant blue eyes burning holes through him. It didn’t matter if it was during a concert or sitting at the table, he always felt those eyes watching him.

He couldn’t make eye contact with Steven though.

Looking at him only brought back the memories that had seared into his brain. They resurfaced when he was asleep, the images danced behind his eyelids like flickering light, and his brain supplied alternatives of how he could have handled the situation. His brain also provided doubts laced with malice. 

_Just end it. End the pain you're feeling._

_Have another drink, Michael. Drown the memories._

_Look at you, how could you compete with Slash? Pale skin and stick thin? Slash is godly in every way._

_You think you are important? Steven settled for you._

So, he downed more vodka. All he wanted was the voice to stop talking. 

_He stopped loving you._

_You knew when this relationship started that he was only gay for you._

_He fell out of love with you but you kept trying because you were so hopelessly devoted._

_You’d let him do anything to you, right? Such a desperate little whore._

Looking at Steven was heartbreaking but Duff found his own reflection repulsive.

He was pale, the tan long faded from his skin. His eyes were always puffy and red rimmed from tears he hid from the world; dark bags were under his eyes from his lack of sleep. His blonde hair was wirier and messy, it lacked the sheen it had. His lips were cracked and dehydrated. Why did he have to be so ugly? Why couldn’t his golden tan be permanent, his eyes warm and bright as they always had been, or his hair as silky and soft as it used to be? 

_He traded you in for a younger model._

_Have you seen those plush lips? How could he not want to kiss those lips? Yours are always dry and cracked._

_Slash has the most beautiful curls and warm hazel eyes. You just have common blonde hair. Your eyes are basic brown. All you have is your height._

Duff studied his appearance in the mirror in search of answers. There had to be something physically wrong with him that Steven would seek out Slash. He was a little bloated from all the alcohol, maybe that was the reason. 

_Just end it. End the pain you're feeling._

_He doesn’t want you. He will never come back to you._

_Kill yourself, Duff. No one will miss you._

“Duff, give me the bottle,” Izzy said with his hand outstretched. 

There was no way in hell Duff was surrendering that bottle over to Izzy. He needed this to end. He wanted the pain to stop. He wanted his brain to shut up.

“You either give me the vodka or I will take it. The choice is yours,” Izzy’s voice was stern but for the right reason. He knew Duff was suffering.

The blonde took a defiant swig of the vodka and grinned drunkenly at Izzy. He tried to take another but he felt the bottle jerk violently in his hand. In his drunken state his grip was weak and Izzy had easily grabbed it from him. “Give it back,” he cried desperately like a child who wanted their pacifier. He grabbed for the bottle and Izzy but his attempts were easily brushed off. 

The brunette scowled and got up from the hotel floor. “You’re done,” Izzy said walking over to the bathroom to dump the vodka into the sink.

“Just let me die,” the blonde sobbed. He was so tired and wanted this to be over.

_You can’t even kill yourself._

_No wonder Steven decided to cheat on you._

_You’re pathetic._

“I’m not pathetic,” Duff whimpered out between his crying fit. “I’M NOT PATHETIC!”

Izzy poked his head out from the bathroom when he heard the commotion. He saw the blonde pulling at his hair and covering his ears.

“I’m not pathetic.” 

Those words broke Izzy down and brought him back to Duff’s side instantly. His hands softly tried to grab at the blonde’s wrists and pull him into a hug.

“Don’t touch me! Don’t!” Duff yelled as he pushed Izzy away from him.

That didn’t stop Izzy though, he made another attempt to pull Duff down into the hug. Stormy eyes studying Duff’s drunken body language. He was broken and coming unhinged the way Axl would. 

“I want it to stop,” the blonde cried. The tears poured down his cheeks like a waterfall. “Make it stop.” 

His fight against Izzy was forfeit as he allowed the brunette to pull him into a hug. His chest hurt from the sobs that were rumbling from him. He was shaking but Izzy’s protective arms held him. Duff had forgotten what it was like to be held but he felt safe. Izzy had always been safe. 

“I’ve got you,” Izzy whispered sweetly. He closed his eyes for a moment as he let himself melt into the hold they had on each other.

They stayed nestled in each other’s arms till Duff had no more tears left. 

“Let’s get you to bed,” Izzy said as he untangled himself and helped pull the blonde giant up from the floor.

Duff shimmied out of his shorts and tank top, he didn’t care what Izzy saw. He crawled under the sheets Izzy had pulled back for him and rolled onto his side. 

“Stay till I fall asleep?” he dared to ask. 

“Of course,” Izzy said sitting down on the floor. He pushed some of the blonde hair out of Duff’s eyes. “You were worth the truth and even though that hurts the most, Steven did that out of love. He loved you enough to give you that,” Izzy explained.

Maybe it was those words or the presence of Izzy but sleep came easily for Duff. His dreams were full of Steven but they were all pleasant. The dream that he ended up remembering was how persistent Steven had been to get his attention. When Steven’s confidence grew, he approached Duff with a glass of vodka and orange. That had been the turning point for them and the start of their three-year relationship. Waking up ended up feeling like a punishment. He didn’t want that dream and memory to fade away just yet.

_He loved you enough to tell you the truth._

_It hurts but he told you the truth._

_You were worth the truth._

Duff made no rush to get out of bed when he woke up, instead he got a hold of his wallet and leafed through the photos he hid there. He wasn’t ready to remove the photos of Steven from his wallet, he still liked to look at them when they were happy together. He had never given his heart over so willingly to someone. Never trusted someone that much with his body. Never hurt so bad because of one person, Steven hurt too.

Blue eyes so full of pain when he admitted his infidelity and regret, his hands held Duff’s loosely. Duff hated how bitter he sounded when he told Steven they were going to break up. The shorter man accepted that and didn’t beg for a second chance. Duff’s undoing was the sex they had before he dismissed Steven from his room. 

_It was a mistake. Possibly a moment of weakness between two people who were hurt. Two people that loved each other._

_He loved you enough to tell you the truth._

_You were worth the truth._

Duff never wanted to erase Steven from him life. He still had to work and be in the same room with him almost three hundred days out of the year but he didn’t want Steven to go away. Forgiveness was a foreign concept to the taller man because he had never been in the position of being cheated on before but he wanted to forgive. It must have been the sobriety or the clarity of his dreams that compelled him to offer his forgiveness. 

_One day._

Morning drifting into afternoon and boredom was plaguing Duff. He ended up wanderer over to Izzy and Axl’s hotel room. He wanted to feel the presence of Izzy and the loud antics of Axl. He stood outside the door for a moment debating whether he should bother them but he needed to be around people. He had spent too much time in his head. His attention brought back by the sounds of laughter coming from behind the door. 

Their manager would rent out the whole floor of the hotel then tack security guards at the exits. Izzy never locked his door, it was always open to those who needed him. Usually it was Axl, who was dealing with one of his numerous breakdowns. Duff reached out and twisted the door handle and to his surprise the door was unlocked. 

_Go in, be with your friends._

The laughter ceased but that didn’t stop Duff from sneaking into the room and closing the door. He tiptoed down the small hall and paused when he came to the living room. His eyes took in the sight of something he had never expected. Seated on the couch was Izzy with Axl straddling him. They were kissing each other furiously, Izzy’s fingers were tangled in Axl’s red hair, and Axl’s moans filled the room.

He’d be lying if this didn’t turn him on somewhat. Izzy had a beautiful soul and Axl was beautiful in general. 

“This is fucking hot,” Duff howled.

His voice had startled the two distracted boys and had them stilling. Axl buried his face into Izzy’s shoulder, thankful that Duff could only see his back. Izzy looked at the tall blonde leaning against the doorframe; his stormy eyes studied Duff’s eyes for a moment.

Duff hadn’t realized he was smiling at the couple. This was all too cute and his heart was giddily thumping in his chest. “I feel left out,” he joked lightheartedly.

“Izzy is a good kisser,” Axl said when he finally felt brave enough to look back at Duff.

Axl looked back at Izzy quickly, his blue eyes blown out from complete bliss. 

Izzy’s stormy eyes scanned the room and landed on the blonde. His eyes meeting Duff’s soft brown eyes.

“So, who feels like making their ex-boyfriend jealous?” Izzy purposed. 

Axl’s lips turned up into a devious smile and he looked back over his shoulder again. 

Duff pushed himself away from the doorframe and crossed the room. That smile and Izzy’s eyes drew him in like a ship to the rocks. He didn’t hesitate to take a seat beside Izzy on the couch. Axl’s eyes had followed him, devouring him hungrily the whole time. Once he was settled down on the couch, Izzy watched them closely. 

Axl bit at his bottom lip and Duff couldn’t look away. 

Those blue eyes continued to burn a hole through his brown eyes. Axl needed to stop biting his bottom lip. Duff really needed him to stop.

It was Axl’s little smirk that made Duff lean forward and kiss the redhead.

A spark ignited between the two and Duff couldn’t stop pulling Axl’s lip between his own teeth. Axl’s tongue worked its way into Duff’s mouth and it had the blonde moaning. Izzy groaned and tried to contain himself, these boys would be the death of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With a little encouragement, I give you a little more :)


	3. Axl's Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axl's lip uttered some of the most beautiful lyrics and some of the most poisonous words.

It was known far and wide that Axl had a big mouth. 

An infinity of saying the wrong thing and pissing off others. Izzy called it a coping mechanism, though he didn’t understand what that truly meant. 

He didn’t always intend to be mean or to cry but he was hurting inside. His past had messed him up to the point he didn’t understand his words hurt. He’d heard mean words his whole life, they cut deeper and hurt worse than the fists that left bruises. 

What left his mouth was either the most beautiful sound or the most acidic words. Slash would storm out of the room in a rage sometimes or tell Axl to shut his mouth. He didn’t mean to be that way especially to the person he thought he loved the most. He tried his hardest to be better for Slash.

He chewed at his lips nervously or forced himself to smile whenever he was hurting. Whenever he had a fight with Slash he would force himself to smile. The world and their friends didn’t need to know it had gotten this bad. 

“I didn’t cheat on you! fuck, Axl,” Slash screamed at the sobbing redhead. “What is fucking wrong with you?” 

“There is nothing wrong with me,” Axl cried. His lip quivered as he choked on those words. They burned his tongue and made his throat hurt.

Slash laughed bitterly at him, “You keep telling yourself that, darling.” 

Axl pulled his knees up to his chin and closed in on himself. He wanted this fight to be over and he knew that it was about to get uglier. He had a choice, he could walk out of that room or he could stay. He felt trapped in the armchair he was seated in, as Slash paced around the room.

“I know you cheated. Just tell me the truth, Saul,” Axl begged. His voice was weak and tired, he was so sick of being lied too. 

Slash shot him a look that was clearly a warning to shut up. Dark hazel eyes that were angry and animalistic leered at Axl, threatening him to test his patience. 

“Drop it, I fucking mean it,” Slash spat. 

Axl would never learn, he always had to push everything one step further. Slash’s anger had been burning red-hot the moment he entered the room. His body was tense and his temper was short, mostly from the drugs he was doing with Steven. The argument had broken out when Axl wouldn’t give Slash what he wanted. He wasn’t in the mood for sex and Slash couldn’t make him do it. Axl wouldn’t let anyone touch his body without consent, he had worked to hard to recover from his past. 

“I want you to leave,” Axl said looking up at Slash. His blue eyes were puffy from crying. He was so tired. Why couldn’t Slash tell him the truth?

Slash was furious and stormed over to the armchair. “I’m not leaving, darling. So, get used to it,” he snarled. The way his fists were clenched made Axl feel nervous. Usually he was the unpredictable wildfire not Slash. 

Axl could feel his anxiety setting in. He was backed into a corner he couldn’t get out of and Slash was standing in front of him. The anger and clenched fists were going to lead to a different kind of fight; the kind of fights they never had. They traded words but never blows and that genuinely terrified Axl. He needed to get out of that chair. He never expected to feel so small and helpless with Slash. He wanted out of this situation. 

“Then I am leaving!” Axl said as he got to his feet but everything went black. 

Axl woke up the next morning feeling like his head was about to explode. Sitting up slowly he felt horrible, he winced as he tried to open his mouth to take a sip of water from the glass on the nightstand. He nearly jumped a mile when his eyes finally focused and he saw Slash sitting in the armchair. He saw tears trailing down that beautiful dark skin and he wanted to get up and wipe the tears away. 

Axl’s fingers reached up to touch at the tender spots on his face. His lip was swollen and split open and his cheekbone hurt. His shaking hand dropped away from his face and he knew exactly what happened.

“Saul?” 

Slash looked up at him with sad eyes. “I’m so sorry, Axl. I messed up,” he sobbed. 

Axl started rooming with Izzy after that day. In usual Izzy fashion, he went to “visit” Slash and threatened to break his hand if he ever touched Axl again. Izzy fussed over the bruises and made sure Axl understood he was there for him. He loved Izzy dearly but sometimes he worried way too much. 

The band dynamic had changes significantly. Steven moped around while Slash pumped back the drugs. Duff was drinking a lot more and hiding in his room, Izzy was his usual quiet self, and Axl himself felt exhausted. He felt fake, plastering a cheerful smile on his face for the world. Smiling was beginning to hurt and his bottom lip was chewed raw from nerves.

Every night they performed, Axl would sing his heart out. He would pour every ounce of pain into his songs. He didn’t have to smile for the audience, all he had to do was perform. He sang till he forgot and every bad memory was pushed past his lips. His lips had been forcefully kiss by someone who should never have been kissing him, kissed softly by his best friend Izzy before leaving for LA, and the tender way Slash had brushed his thumbs over his cheek bones before kissing him. His lips had uttered some of the most beautiful lyrics and some of the most poisonous words. They quirked up into a playful smile when he played a prank or told a joke. His genuine smile saved for those who were closest to him. 

The act was old though. He wasn’t happy. 

His heart hurt and yearned for the truth. He knew that Slash had cheated on him with Steven. Redheads are rare but everyone falls for the blondes. The few interactions they had would end in a fight. They went their separate ways to avoid more confrontation. 

Axl studied the photographs his manger had given him from their photoshoots. One photo caught his attention. He had his fake smile plastered on his face. Slash looked cocky and proud, seated on the only chair in the room. Duff sat on the left side of the chair, he looked sad almost lost. Steven was his usual cheerful self cuddled against Duff. It was Izzy who caught Axl’s eyes. He looked sad like he knew something the others didn’t, like he was having an epiphany. Axl got up from the bed and walked into the living room where Izzy sat quietly. 

The brunette was listening to MTV play on the TV. He acknowledged Axl’s presence and went back to watching Nirvana’s latest music video.

"You ruined the photo," Axl joked as he tried to get Izzy's attention back.

“Why do you look so sad?” Axl tried again. 

It had caught Izzy off-guard but he noticed the photo that was being handed to him. He really didn’t want to talk about that day. That was the day Duff had walked in on Slash and Steven in his hotel room. That was the start of their problems in the band. Even after a month, nothing was getting better. He set the photo aside and looked at his best friend. 

Axl looked back at him with sad eyes. They itched severely. 

“The better question is why do you look so sad, Ax?” Izzy hummed lowly. 

Izzy’s stormy eyes looked at him with compassion. His words laced with care. It made Axl drop his guard instantly and his lip quivered. He wanted the pain to fade like his bruises had. Axl fought back the tears that were threatening to pour down his cheeks. 

“Come here,” Izzy said opening his arms up invitingly to Axl. There was nothing safer than Izzy’s arms. Many nights Axl would crawl into Izzy’s open arms and come undone. Izzy had started holding Axl back when they were fifteen in Indiana and Axl needed to talk about his stepdad. Since then Izzy always left his door open for the redhead and always had a safe embrace waiting for him. 

He crawled into Izzy’s lap and snuggled in as close as possible. He loved the feeling of Izzy’s arms when they closed in around him and pulled him in even tighter. He felt safe and he didn’t want to leave anytime soon. Axl’s body relaxed into the hold he was in and he let all his walls down. His itchy eyes were catching up with him and his chest was constricting. 

Izzy hummed softly and pressed his lips to Axl’s temple. 

Axl loved when Izzy kissed him. They were always small kissed that were pressed to his forehead or cheeks by Izzy’s downy soft lips. Little gestures that melted away the pain. 

“He’s not worth it, babe,” Izzy whispered into his ear. It sent a chill down his spine. 

Axl’s chest constricted again and caused his breathing to hitch. His eyes itched even more but he wasn’t going to give Slash another tear today. He couldn’t.

“Why am I not worth the truth?” Axl squeaked out. 

Izzy gave him a reassuring squeeze and looked down at him with his stormy eyes. “What if I told you that you are?” Izzy offered. “What if I told you that you are one of the most important people in my life?” 

That made Axl’s heart thump hard in his chest. He didn’t feel important, if anything he felt worthless. Duff at least got some form of closure. Steven told him the truth. Slash only cared about covering his ass. All he could give Axl was bruises and more lies. 

A bitter laugh escaped Axl’s lips, it made him feel chilly from the bitterness he felt. “You’re always going to say that though, Iz. We’re friends,” he chided. 

“You were cheated on and hurt but that doesn’t change that you are Axl Rose. If anything, that should be fuel to the fire,” Izzy laughed lightly as he pulled at a piece of Axl’s red hair. 

Something sparked in Axl but he wanted to look into Izzy’s gray eyes. He wiggled his way out of the hold he was in and moved to straddle his best friend. It seemed to surprise Izzy but he didn’t say anything. Axl had always loved Izzy’s eyes, they saw things he wouldn’t let another see. He had always wanted to kiss those lips but there were boundaries. Izzy had explained that they were friends and you don’t mess with friendships. But Izzy’s lips were always sweet and soft when they would press friendly kisses to his forehead or cheeks. It had been twenty some years, there was a tension at times between them. 

“You realize this doesn’t look good,” Izzy pointed out the position they were in. 

Axl could hardly contain his laugh and he snorted at the comment, “My boyfriend cheated on me then had the nerve to lie about it to my face; and you’re worried that this might look bad?” 

A devious thought ran through Axl’s head and he rolled his hips against Izzy’s lap. There was tension, unresolved tension. They should acknowledge it.  


“Quit being a tease,” Izzy warned. 

Axl batted his long eyelashes at Izzy in an attempt to come off innocent. But this was the one person who knew he was far from innocent, if anything he was the devil. He rolled his hips again into Izzy’s body. The moment was getting heated and Axl felt like he reached his goal when he felt something hard against his bum. 

“You have a boner,” Axl shrieked out with a giant smile on his face. He was proud of himself, he had managed to give Izzy a boner. 

Stormy eyes glared at him and he could tell Izzy hated him. “You have one too, idiot,” Izzy snapped back. His eyes showing off pure irritation and his lips tried not to pull up into a smile. 

Izzy didn’t push him off, so they sat in that position. Axl would roll his hips every now and then. He didn’t want his friend to forget that he had made him get a boner over this. He wanted more though. 

“Izzy, I want you to kiss me,” Axl whispered. 

There was no hesitation, it surprised him a little when Izzy leaned forward and kissed him. They had only kissed like this once before, when Izzy decided to go ahead to LA without Axl. He had kissed Axl like a sailor kissed his girl. It was natural and they fell into a rhythm and Izzy bit at the redhead’s bottom lip. Axl let out a moan and gave the brunette more access, his hands grabbed at Izzy’s shirt to pull him in closer. Izzy carded his fingers in a tangled mess of red hair as Axl tried to pull him sideways. The feeling of Izzy pulling at his hair was doing things to him. 

“This is fucking hot,” a voice howled. 

Axl pulled away from Izzy and buried his face into Izzy’s shoulder. This couldn’t be happening. This can’t get out to the others. Slash would literally use this as an excuse for cheating – Izzy had always been a target during the fights they had. Slash would always accuse him of sleeping with Izzy. He couldn’t handle more drama, he had no more fake smiles left. 

Izzy seemed calm and was looking at the intruder. 

“I feel left out,” Duff joked lightheartedly.

A sudden feeling of relief swept over Axl when he realized it was Duff’s voice. Being brave he lifted his head from Izzy’s shoulder and looked over his own shoulder at Duff. 

Soft brown eyes and a nonthreatening smile greeted him. “Izzy is a good kisser,” he said smiling. 

He looked back at Izzy for a moment. His brain could hardly keep up their kiss had been that good. 

“So, who feels like making their ex-boyfriend jealous,” Izzy purposed. Finally breaking the silence in the room. 

Axl could feel his lips turning up into a devious smile and he looked over to Duff. The man was a remarkable sight being so tall and blonde. Duff pushed himself away from the doorframe and sauntered towards the couch. The way his thin hips swayed was doing it for Axl and his eyes trailed him the whole walk over to the couch. 

Holy fuck, Duff was radiating confidence and it was infectious. He took a seat next to Izzy and his brown eyes looked at them both, his lips were inviting and Axl wanted to bite at them. 

Axl didn’t realize he was biting at his own lip and looking at Duff, being a complete tease. Those soft brown eyes watched him intently and he knew Duff liked what he saw. The redhead’s lips pulled up into a little smirk and he looked at the blonde through his long eyelashes. 

Duff leaned forward and pecked a quick kiss to the singer’s lips before capturing them in a hungry kiss. A fight for dominance started; Axl allowed Duff to bite at his bottom lip and he worked at forcing his tongue into the blonde’s mouth. He tasted like Marlboro and orange juice, he needed more. Duff’s muffled moan would be his undoing and he rocked his hips into Izzy’s lap. Their fight for dominance was back and now Duff was taking over but Axl didn’t care, all he wanted was this moment. 

Izzy was groaning and grabbing at Axl’s hips trying to rock him harder against himself. Duff and Axl’s muffled moans were like music to Izzy’s ears and he had to force his eyes to stay open. They were pulling at each others shirts in desperation, hands groping over each other's pale skin. Izzy leaned over and sucked at Duff’s neck, giving Axl enough time to trail his hand down to Duff’s growing hard on. Izzy opened his eyes just in time to see Duff’s thin hips rock into Axl’s touch. He loved watching them together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Axl's side! 
> 
> I am sorry but I am going to stab at your feels one more time :)


	4. Steven's Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven wishes he could change things.

“This is all your fault,” Steven yelled as he threw the contents of his suitcase around the hotel room. He needed to find his most prized possession. He couldn’t rest till his hands were wrapped around the black fabric. 

Slash’s snide laugh irked him and made him angrier. “You knew the risks. Besides, you’re not even gay, what’s the big deal?” the brunette said. 

Steven threw down the pair of pants he had in his hands and glared daggers at his best friend. Slash was perched on the bed, looking down at him like he was God. “It doesn’t matter if I am gay or not, I cheated on the person I loved for you of all people,” Steven bit back. 

“It’s not my problem you were high on heroin and made a stupid decision,” the guitarist countered. 

Steven’s head hurt from listening to Slash’s arrogance. He went back to his search. Honestly, no man needed this much clothing and it was hindering his search of the one thing he wanted. He wanted this more than any drug he had injected. This was the one thing he had left to give to Duff and it would be his sole mission to find it and deliver it. 

He wasn’t searching for a second chance because he didn’t deserve one. He’d made the decision to sleep with Slash and this was the repercussions. He didn’t know what killed him more inside, the fact that Duff had caught them in the act or that it wasn’t the first time. They had gotten through the photo shoot and then the fighting started. Steven was nothing but honest though, he had been caught in the act. It was Duff’s tears that hurt the most and the way the spark had left him eyes. 

His poor sweet Duff. His blonde giant. The one human he was willing to break all the rules for and give the world too. The first man he had ever loved and the only. 

“You’re making a fucking mess, Stevie,” Slash complained. He was tired of their room looking like a crack house. Beer bottles were lining every surface, the bedside table was covered in their drug paraphernalia, and the floor was covered in clothes. It looked like a bomb had went off in the room. 

Steven didn’t care. He had already made a mess of his relationship by cheating and a mess of his life from doing drugs. Who really cared if there were clothes all over the floor? He’d clean it up. He searched all the zippered compartments of his suitcase till his fingers finally fished out the one item he was looking for. He looked upon the CBGB shirt in his hands and smiled faintly. 

“A fucking shirt? You made this giant mess for that stupid shirt?” Slash’s tone was laced with annoyance and alcohol. 

This had been Steven’s shirt and Duff had taken a liking to it. Like every girlfriend he had ever had in the past they always stole some piece of clothing from him and claimed it as their own, Duff so happened to wear it with pride. It almost devastated him to see his favorite shirt’s sleeves chopped off but when he saw the way it hugged Duff’s perfect hips and showed off his arms, he forgave him. Axl’s hips were legendary for being chiseled the right way and how he swayed them was hypnotic but Duff’s were better. His hips moved the way he played bass, fluid and steady. His rhythm always matched Steven’s static fast movements. 

It was Duff’s hips that had captured Steven’s attention the first time they met. He felt like a Victorian man looking at a photo of a bare ankle, Duff’s shirt was just a little short and he couldn’t stop looking at those hips or the small treasure trail. He was hooked and he would do anything to get to see more of that man. 

Vodka and Orange juice had started their relationship. Steven loved tasting that on Duff’s lips. He loved how soft his boyfriend’s eyes were when he looked up at him and the way he would make the quietest little sounds during sex. This was the first man Steven had ever been with, he was only attracted Duff. He’d never loved so freely in his life or felt so happy. It was the confidence that would radiate off Duff’s being that gave him life. 

“It’s Duff’s shirt,” Steven said sadly. “I want to give it back to him,” 

The room was full of bitter laughter, “He’s not going to take you back.” 

Steven looked at Slash and wondered why he ever kissed him. One kiss had ruined everything and took him down a shady path of drugs and sex. They had been friends since childhood, like Axl and Izzy. Slash had drawn him in like a moth to the flame, he could draw anyone in. One kiss lead to a touch, and one touch lead them to do something regretful. Well, regretful to Steven. Slash lit up a cigarette and complimented his abilities to please a man. 

“And you think Axl would take you back? Especially after you split his lip open?” Steven snapped. 

Friend or not, Slash pissed him off. He was arrogant on a regular basis because he was regarded as one of the best guitarists. Steven couldn’t even imagine laying his hands on Duff that way. Being caught in bed with Slash was enough of a slap in the face for Duff. 

Slash’s eyes burned holes through him over the comment. 

He knew that it hurt Slash to bring that up. He had so much regret he didn’t care if he hurt the one who lead him down this road. He woke up every morning wishing he was still beside Duff, breathing in his fruity shampoo and his Old Spice deodorant. 

When they sat down to talk, Duff had told him they would have to break up because what he did was unforgivable. He pressed his forehead against Duff’s and whispered that he understood, that he loved him so much but he knew this had to happen. It was Duff who had kissed him with tear soaked eyes and pulled him back down to the bed. Heat of the moment, a last goodbye they pulled at each other's clothes. Duff begged for him to make it hurt, and he gave his lover what he wanted. Later that night he lay awake beside his ex boyfriend and listened to him cry. He cried too. 

If he could go back and change everything, push Slash away when he initiated the first kiss he would. He watched Duff going through hell and he couldn’t do anything without causing him more pain. He needed to stay away for the sake of Duff’s sanity. Thankfully, Izzy was always there for his friends and he was taking care of Duff. That brought some form of closure through the last month. 

Steven folded the shirt nicely and looked at it. 

Three years Duff wore this shirt and never gave it back. It was accidentally packed into his bags and Duff had mentioned he was looking for it. It was a staple to his appearance in the band. Steven couldn’t give him much more than the truth and a shirt but it was the best he could do. Hopefully Duff would move on and find the person who loved him as much as Steven did. 

“When tour is over, I’m quitting the band,” Steven said to Slash. He set aside Duff’s shirt and started to clean up the mess he had made of their room. He wanted to get his life back in order and he couldn’t do it here. He was to stoned to play and the one thing that mattered most to him was gone. He needed to sort his life out and the only way he could do it was leaving the band. 

Slash for once had nothing to say but he slipped off the bed and started to help fold the clothes on the floor. His own guilt was eating him alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't intending to write about the Dodo Brothers but I feel they deserve a chance to get their feelings out.


	5. Slash's Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slash's guilt consumes him.

Slash couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he felt guilty but it was consuming him. 

Was it sneaking off to do heroin? 

Kissing Steven then cheating on Axl?

Or was it the fact that he had hit Axl?

It didn’t seem to matter, everything he did in the last two months made him feel worthless. He was considered a God, one of the best guitar players of their time. All Slash felt good at was doing drugs and beating up his boyfriend. He became the kind of man he hated most. For two weeks he was reminded of what he did when he’d see Axl board the bus. Blue eyes sad and downcast, they rejected to look at him. The bruise on Axl’s face slowly faded with time and so did their presence in each others lives. 

Axl tried his best to trust Slash with his past and in the beginning, he understood everything. Drugs caused his memory to fade as well as his patience. Every little thing that bothered the redhead would transition into a fight. All the smaller man needed was comfort and understanding. Slash’s serpent like voice spat hurtful words and phrases at Axl, he wanted him to feel how painful words could be. He started to love watching his boyfriend cry, it was so easy, till he woke up the next morning and had to do damage control. He slowly started to hate the person he was becoming. Axl didn’t deserve it but he loved his precious drugs so much. 

He loved the way they made him feel light, like the way Axl made him feel when he would drop to his knees and started to be a cock tease. He loved the way the drugs numbed his pains, just like Axl singing to him made him feel sated. The drugs painted vivid images for him but Axl could do that too with his face during an orgasm. His sweet little redhead, who looked at him like he was the most amazing thing to ever rock his world couldn’t compete with heroin. 

Steven could compete though. Best friends and still always getting into trouble together. They were a team, unstoppable forces against the world when they were walled up in their hotel room. Hours were wasted on drugs and cuddling, a platonic relationship that accidentally pushed the boundaries with one kiss. He never should have kissed Steven. He had Axl fucking Rose as his boyfriend and that was public knowledge. The world was jealous of them and he still had to be greedy. 

Slash took a sip of his beer and looked around the room. It was looking a bit better after the whole clothing disaster. Steven had passed out on the floor after his little tiss. In a way, he admired Steven’s honesty. He himself couldn’t face Axl or watch him break down more than he already had. Though the truth versuses him knocking Axl out was now debatable. He wanted to spare Axl’s feelings and spare himself as much as possible by withholding the truth. He played it off as paranoia or that Izzy was the problem, anything to get the attention off him and make it Axl’s fault. 

Greed had managed to destroy two relationships and four people’s lives.

There were so many ways he could have stopped the pain he was inflicting on others. He could quit the drugs and alcohol. He should have evaluated the situation and problems escalating between Axl and himself - he could have solved them by listening. He could have spared Duff the ultimate heartbreak and Steven wouldn’t have strayed- peer pressure and one drunken kiss to ruin everything for one of the happiest couples. He should have let Izzy break his hand, he deserved to have it broken after what he did. Izzy yelled at him and threatened to kick his ass straight out of the band if he ever laid his hands on Axl again. 

He envied Steven’s strength to leave the band. 

It was a risk he would be to scared to take. They were one of the most popular bands right now and they were recording music at an amazing pace. They were on tour constantly. He wouldn’t want to lose this life even if it was killing him. Steven leaving was a selfless act for himself and Duff. If it ever got to the point he knew he was hurting Axl that bad with his presence, he hoped he would be that strong. 

Taking another swig of his beer, he looked around again. Axl wouldn’t have allowed their hotel room to get this messy. It made him laugh the first time the redhead told him to clean up his clothes, then he realized there would be no arguing. Axl loved a clean and tidy space, Izzy had told Slash that Axl’s home as a child was chaotic; cleaning was a way of having control. He wanted to say he hated the whole cleaning obsession but he didn’t. He didn’t mind folding laundry or washing floors when they returned home. It made Axl calm and that’s all he could ask for. 

Many nights he’d have to shake Axl awake and hold him after a nightmare. He had to know how to defuse him when he was pissed off and when to notice little hints he was about to break down. Axl would sometimes be as open as he had always been or sometimes closed off to the world, not letting Slash in even after two years. He cried all the time and sometimes it happened in public or while they sat on the tour bus; the worst was when he cried during sex. Slash missed wiping the tears away and kissing the tip of his nose. He knew dating Axl would be a challenge but every part of it was worth it just to see that smile. Hearing that beautiful voice singing in the shower, and even hearing the bluntest honest phrases leave a human's mouth left Slash in awe. 

Finishing off his beer, he got up and started to clean up the mess. He needed some control in his life and the best way to be in control was to clean. 

Axl thought he was a jerk for lying but he did it for all the right reasons. 

He knew Axl couldn’t carry the weight of that honesty. It would drag him into a deeper depression, the kind he got into when they went anywhere in or around Indiana. His sweet Axl wouldn’t survive getting that depressed, he’d hurt himself this time. He knew how bad that hurt Axl but after hitting him, he couldn’t do anymore damage. He needed to give him distance and be on his best behavior on concert nights. He had to keep denying that he ever cheated so Axl could move on and push past the pain. It killed him inside to do it but this was his fault. This was his burden, it couldn’t be Axl’s. He would carry it with him so his sweet Axl didn’t have too and he could continue living only slightly damaged. 

Everyday he kept telling himself this was his burden. 

This was for Axl, he had to carry this burden for Axl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I will give poor Slash a break. He does truly feel terrible :(
> 
> It's time to get back to Izzy, Duff, and Axl!


	6. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get heated between the boys!

Axl’s fingers softly traced the outline of Duff’s hard on. The blonde’s hips rolled into the touch and his moans continued to be muffled. He was losing his battle with Axl touching him and Izzy still sucking and nipping at his neck. He needed to feel Axl’s hips against his, he wanted what Izzy had. Duff’s long fingers reached out and grabbed for the redhead’s hips. Izzy could feel the blonde’s fingers near his own and he couldn’t help but smile into the kiss he was plastering onto Duff’s neck. He gave a final nip before pulling away. Axl was still rolling his hips into Izzy’s body as he finally gained his dominance back against Duff. He couldn’t help noticing how nicely built Duff was below the waist and it made him more power hungry.

“Go to Duff,” Izzy whispered into Axl’s ear as he nudged him away.

Axl was suddenly aware that Duff’s fingers were on his hips trying to pull him over. He didn’t need encouragement, he wanted to touch and feel every part of Duff’s body. Axl moved his lithe body into Duff’s lap and rolled his hips, eliciting a loud moan from the blonde. His fingers carded themselves into a mass of thick blonde hair that was as soft as it looked and pulled at Duff’s hair. Drawing the blonde away from the kiss, Axl wanted to watch his face as he rolled his hips again. It was everything he expected when Duff’s head rolled to the side exposing his slender neck and he moaned even louder.

“You like that, rockstar?” Axl cooed.

Duff did, he liked everything Axl was doing to his body so far. He took the risk to look at Axl as he caught his breath. He saw the seductive little smirk that had drawn him in and he was hooked. His fingers gripped roughly at Axl’s hips and he rolled his hips in a fluid motion back. It knocked the breath out of the redhead and disrupted his playful smirk. Duff bit at his bottom lip and eyed Axl’s neck. Two could play at this game.

Izzy shimmied his way to the end of the couch to watch. His gray eyes watched his friends tease each other. He could feel the comfort that flowed through the room. Duff’s mind was to busy to think and Axl was being quiet for once. There was no time for tears and sad thoughts, they were immersed in lust. Wherever this was going he was excited and his hand trailed down to his own hard on. He had to keep the boundaries between Axl and himself, kissing was one thing but he wouldn’t do more. He hated that he was having a moral dilemma during one of the most beautiful acts he’d ever witnessed. They were still fighting for dominance and Izzy knew they were both on the receiving ends. Duff appeared to be winning, his lips trailed down Axl’s jaw towards his neck. Every obscenity the redhead knew was uttered under his breath and Izzy loved it.

“Du- Duff,” Axl begged his hands pulled the blonde’s face away from his neck.

Duff felt a blush burn his cheeks and he looked away from Axl. “Sorry,” he mumbled and dropped his hands away from the redhead’s hips. His insecurities started to surface, he couldn’t get a guy like Axl Rose.

Axl pouted at the lack of contact and he could feel Duff’s hesitation. “Hey, look at me,” he commanded.

The blonde tried but he knew he would regret it. He hated rejection and he couldn’t handle that right now. He felt Axl’s finger hook under his chin and he force him to look into those blue-green eyes. Axl looked at him sadly, his smile was faint but understanding.

“I don’t want to stop, hon,” Axl whispered soft and sweet. “I want to touch every part of you and make you feel good.”

Duff weakly smiled at the comment but his eyes betrayed him.

Silky kisses were pressed to his nose and cheeks. “You're so beautiful, Duff. Quit thinking you aren’t good enough,” Axl said as he pressed his forehead against Duff’s.

Before Duff could stop it, a small strangled sound escaped him. Izzy heard it and so did Axl. “Michael, I’m here. I’ve got you,” Axl’s voice was full of reassurance and he sealed their lips into a subdued kiss. He was there and he didn’t intend to let Duff fall.

Duff kissed back as if this was his life line. He didn’t know if it was the use of his given name or that Axl promised that he was with him but he felt secure. The last time he felt secure was well over a month ago, but the way Axl talked to him and touched him it made him feel that reignite. Duff wanted Axl to touch him everywhere. He wanted to feel something again.

Izzy got up from the couch to lock the door. This would look bad if anyone else walked in on them and the last thing they needed was a fight. His pride was burning over Axl’s actions, Duff needed to hear he was beautiful but it had to be from the right person. He looked back at the sight on the couch; Axl had Duff pushed back against the couch arm and was trailing his lips down the blonde’s neck; sucking a sharp kiss at his collarbone. Duff was begging Axl for more, his voice caught in his throat from all the little sounds he was making. Izzy decided to find them some condoms and lube, the last thing they needed was their moment ruined. He looked back one more time before disappearing; Axl was worshipping every part of Duff’s body and he had finally won their fight for dominance.

“Ax, I ne-I want you too,” Duff’s brain was failing him. He couldn’t find the words he wanted to use with Axl’s hands stroking at his body and lips nipping sharply at his collarbone.

Duff’s breathy words made Axl smirk and he slowly pulled away from the skin he was marring with his kisses. He was destroying the beautiful blonde beneath him and he couldn’t be happier. He planned to kiss every beautiful part of Duff’s body. The blonde’s hands grabbed at Axl’s hands to still them. It made a laugh escape the redhead’s kiss swollen lips, “You ok?”

Axl watched as Duff tried to regain some semblance of thought. The blonde was truly overwhelmed from pleasure and it turned Axl on. “Does my Duffy want more?” he purred.

He loved the way that sounded, “my Duffy” and he nodded his head in response. Oh, he wanted more. He was willing to submit to Axl right from the start. There was no fighting Axl Rose, he was a strong force but was truly sweet. He’d let Axl do anything to him if he kept calling him “my Duffy”.

The redhead climbed off his taller counterpart and extended a hand to help him up. “Come, lets go to bed,” he offered.

Duff loved the feeling of Axl’s small hands intertwined with his own. They were soft against his calloused fingers and they felt even better on his skin. Axl lead him towards the bedroom where Izzy sat casually in the armchair in the corner. Duff sat on the bed and took in his surroundings. Axl stood in front of him and looked down at him fondly. His fingers reached for the button on Axl’s pants and his human instinct kicked in. He felt the urgency to get those jeans off. He’d been so preoccupied with holding Axl down in one place that he missed a chance to grope at his butt. It was hard to not notice it. Out of the whole band, Axl had the best butt.

“Want them off, huh?” Axl teased and helped the process along by shimmying out of his jeans. He tossed them aside and stood in front of Duff in his boxers and an old Guns N Roses shirt. Axl could see the gears working in Duff’s head. To mess with him, he pulled off his shirt and tossed it aside too. He stood before Duff like an offering. The blonde’s hands roamed and groped at the pale form before him. His lips soon joined the exploration as he trailed his nipping lips down Axl’s chest. He breathed in the smell of the smaller man and found himself humming. It was near the elastic of Axl’s boxers that he suddenly stilled.

Axl could feel Duff’s hesitation. His small hands worked to get Duff’s tank top off and he gently pushed him back. “Lay down, rockstar,” he cooed in that velvety voice and the blonde complied.

“What’s the deal, Iz? Are you getting in on this or what?” Axl asked nonchalantly.

Izzy couldn’t help but smile at his best friend. He could sense the tension off Duff’s body and he knew Axl didn’t want this to be an uncomfortable experience. “I’m good to watch. If that is ok?” Izzy said sitting back comfortably in his chair.

Axl looked to Duff. He could feel the tension slowly radiating away. “Izzy likes to watch sometimes. I promise he won’t do anything to you. He won’t even do stuff with me,” Axl frowned at the last part. “Besides, you have all my attention,” Axl brushed strands of blonde hair out of Duff’s eyes and looked at him with devotion.

Duff melted into the touch and his hips gave a fluid roll in acknowledgement.

“Axl, please. Please,” Duff begged. His hips rolled up off the bed.

Izzy wiggled his hand into his pants and tried to stop himself from losing it. He didn’t want to cum before the big show. He never expected to see Duff reduced to begging but he had heard Axl do it. Axl would beg Izzy to touch him but he always said no. He would watch his best friend reduce himself to a moaning mess on his own fingers but he never helped him. He would watch Axl and marvel in his facial expressions. This last month had been a true test for him.

“Please what, Duffy?” the redhead asked as he pulled at the shorts and boxers that were still on Duff’s body. He licked at his lips when he saw Duff’s dick finally exposed, it was beautiful like the rest of his naked body. Axl had to remind himself this was about Duff, he would probably get a chance to ride it later. “Tsk tsk, you made a mess,” Axl teased as his hand wrapped around Duff’s length.

“I wan-I want you to make it hurt,” Duff choked out. He hated himself for saying it. He felt regret creep its way up is throat like a bad aftertaste.

Izzy’s hand stopped moving on his erection and Axl’s hand stilled on Duff’s too.

Axl cleared his throat and gauged the situation. He abandoned his mission to undo Duff with a hand job and crawled up next to him on the bed. The blonde instantly averted his gaze. “You're good enough, Duff. And as much as I’d love to destroy you in that way, I want you to feel good. If you don’t want to do this, you don’t have too. I won’t be mad at you,” Axl cuddled into his side and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

It was an epiphany for Axl to see Duff like this. This must have been how he looked to Slash. He was always wrestling his inner demons and coming undone. He never felt good enough for Slash. He always needed reassurance and validation. The pain from his past never stopped following him. Now before him was a glimpse of how he must have looked.

“I’m sorry. I want this, I just feel-I feel,” Duff was struggling. He didn’t want to cry, this was an amazing opportunity. He was naked in front of someone he admired.

“You feel scared and hurt,” Axl added. His fingers rubbed soothing circles onto the blonde’s skin. “I understand because I am hurting too. But don’t say sorry. You never have to say sorry for feeling that way, Duffy.”

There was no stopping the tears from falling down Duff’s cheeks but Axl wiped them away. His forehead rest against Duff’s and encouraged him to breath with him. Axl whispered encouragements to him and pecked small kisses to Duff’s face and fingers.

“I’ve had a crush on you since the day we met,” Axl laughed lightly. “It sounds silly but I like how confidence radiates off you. I can feel shitty about something and your presence makes me feel better.”

Izzy took that as his cue to leave. He knew this was getting deeper than sex and he wasn’t comfortable hearing Axl’s secrets this way. “Condoms and stuff are on the bedside table, kids,” Izzy said to announce his exit and he closed the door behind him. He needed a distraction and release. He dropped back down onto the couch and grabbed the phone; he missed Gilby. He figured his little hippy would get a kick out of what was going down right now.

“I always look at your butt,” Duff admitted. His cheeks burned from honesty but he couldn’t deny it. It made Axl laugh though and he obviously enjoyed the compliment.

There it was, the confidence behind a small smile. Axl felt warm from it and he could tell Duff was calm again. “Maybe, I want you to look at my butt,” Axl giggled as he ruffled Duff’s mop of blonde hair.

Duff’s fingers tangled in the silkiness of Axl’s own hair and he pulled him forward into a kiss. It was relaxed and trusting. He submitted so easily for Axl.

“Do you trust me?” Axl asked when he broke their kiss. His look was soft yet serious.

It felt like a stupid question but Duff nodded his head in response, “Of course.”

Axl looked at him for a moment just to be sure. Curious brown eyes watched him but beckoned him to keep going. “Hand me the lube and a condom,” he said. 

The redhead’s typical playful smirk was on his face.

Duff’s heart raced in his chest as he reached out for the required items on the bedside table. Izzy had left them a dozen condoms. He grabbed one and the lube and handed it to Axl. Duff propped his legs up and dug his heels into the mattress.

The redhead moved to the end of the bed and shuffled out of his underwear. What lay before him was a blonde god and he could feel himself getting hard again.  


“I want to make you cum without touching your dick,” Axl said licking his lips.

Duff couldn’t break his eye contact with Axl and he melted into the fingers rubbings his inner thighs. Axl pressed kisses to the pale skin of the blonde’s legs and felt them shake. His fingers ventured lower.

“Can I touch you?” Axl asked looking up at his blonde angel.

Duff hummed a simple yes and the redhead popped the cap on the lube. Coating his fingers with lube, he gently worked a finger past the tight ring of muscles. 

Duff’s breathing hitched but relaxed right away. Their eye contact was not broken and Axl worked the finger in and out.

“More,” Duff mumbled. His head was thrown back and his hands already searching out to hold anything.

Axl worked another finger in and set to work searching for right spot. His blonde angel rolled his hips trying to get more. His fingers met the movement of Duff’s hips till a small moan cut through the silence of the room. Duff withered on the bed and it was the most beautiful thing Axl had ever watched. His fingers kept pace with Duff’s movements. Axl kept hitting his prostate till precum leaked all over his belly and his breathing was ragged.

He knew Duff wasn’t going to last at this pace and his own hard on hurt. Axl withdrew his fingers and grabbed the condom. Duff watched through half lidded eyes as his beau rolled the condom on effortlessly. His brain was on overdrive as all the events of today started to settle in; he was going to have sex with Axl Rose.

Axl crawled up towards him on the bed and rested his forehead against Duff’s again.

“Ready?” cooed the redhead.

Duff saw blue-greens eyes watching him and he felt like he was in the right place. This was everything he could want in this moment. “Ready,” he whispered back.

Axl was patient and guided his way in. He could feel Duff getting tense when he was only half sheathed inside the other man. “I’ve got you,” Axl whispered the encouragement as he stilled. His free hand sought out Duff’s and he linked their fingers. Lips pressed compassionate kisses to chapped lips.

“Relax, I’ve got you. I won’t hurt you,” Axl promised. He would never hurt Duff and he would do anything to prevent him from feeling pain.

Duff relaxed. He knew he was in safe hands. He trusted Axl.

Axl pushed the rest of the way in and waited till Duff’s breathing returned to normal. He took the risk of making an experimental roll of his hips which was well received. Small moans filled the room and Duff was tightening his grip on Axl’s hand. Pulling back, the redhead pulled out and snapped his hips which elicited more moans from the blonde. That spark kicked in again just like their first kiss. Duff kissed at Axl’s mouth hungrily, while Axl slammed into his body hitting his prostate each time. It was making the redhead insane feeling Duff’s body clenching around him, this man would be the death of him. All his little moans were quiet motivations to pound into Duff’s body harder. Axl couldn’t remember the last time someone felt this good.

“A-Ax, I’m gonna cum,” Duff moaned out. Every snap of Axl’s hips into his body was driving him over the edge. He shook from the ecstasy.

It was music to Axl’s ears and seeing Duff reduced to such a shaking mess was pushing him closer to his own orgasm. “Cum for me, Duffy,” he cooed as he slammed into the blonde’s prostate again.

That little encouragement was enough to make Duff spill sticky cum all over their bellies. His body shook from the sensation and he couldn’t stop his moans. Knuckles white from clenching Axl’s hand so tight. Duff was aware he was still riding out his orgasm and Axl slammed into his body repeatedly till he started to moan out obscenities. Axl came soon after. There was no rush to part, Duff was still rolling his hips and Axl was trying to catch his breath.

Axl pressed a kiss to Duff’s forehead then gently pulled out. He knotted the condom and threw it in the wastepaper basket. “Here, I’ll clean you up, honey,” the redhead offered grabbing his shirt and wiping up the sticky mess on Duff’s stomach.

“Can we cuddle?” Duff asked cautiously.

The redhead smiled and pulled the sheets back. “Of course, Duffy.”

Duff cuddled close to Axl and sighed tiredly. Axl’s arms hugged him tightly and he felt warm. He didn’t want this to end and his body was still thrumming for the experience. Axl felt the rise and fall of Duff’s chest against his and he smiled a little to himself. His blonde angel looked beautiful cumming for him. He closed his eyes and let the memories fill his head.

“You're so beautiful, Michael,” Axl whispered as he drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize this was so long!! 
> 
> There was a lot of moral dilemma and trying to decide which way I wanted this to go. There is one more chapter to go! 
> 
> Writing sex scene stuff literally takes me forever...you'd think someone with a filthy mind would be able to get that smut on the page but no, I get all modest.
> 
> I'm literally thinking of rewriting this. I hate it with a pure passion.


	7. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4 Months Later!

/4 Months Later\

“Are you playing Sgt. Pepper?” Axl asked as he laid down on the bed in front of Duff. 

Duff looked up from his guitar and smiled wide at his boyfriend. “Why? Would you like to join Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band?” 

Axl pondered the question for a moment and rolled onto his side so he could watch the blonde. Warm brown eyes watched him fondly and he felt content. 

“I’m not exactly lonely, Duffy,” the redhead teased. 

Duff’s heart thumped hard in his chest and he felt warm inside. Every morning he woke up and watched Axl sleep. A toothy smile would greet him in the early hours and tender kisses would be exchanged between them. Axl would always give him the last cigarette and never ask to share; though Duff always would. They stole kisses when they were backstage as Axl stood on his tiptoes. Every day he appreciated the man who held his hand and reminded him “I’ve got you”.

“I adore you,” Duff mused aloud.

He adored the man before him. The one who was kind enough to say he could follow his heart. The choice had been Duff’s but he felt secure with Axl. He felt sparks of happiness when he was with someone who understood him so well. Everyday spent with Axl was another reason to get up and to smile. Looking in the mirror was easier, no more red puffy eyes or insecurity. Axl kissed his chapped lips and rubbed lotion into his dry hands after shows. They talked about anything and everything; there was no reason to hide their pain from each other. Knowing he had all Axl Rose’s attention made him feel good enough. 

Axl’s lips pulled into that infamous “only for you” smile and he pushed himself up from his spot on the bed. “I adore you too,” Axl said resting his forehead against Duff’s. 

He breathed in the smell of Marlboro and orange juice. He could feel silky blonde hair and Duff’s soft skin as he caressed his cheek. “You're so beautiful,” Axl cooed and pressed him lips to Duff’s chapped lips. 

Axl would devote his world to Duff’s beautiful soul. He had never felt so complete in his life. 

**

“I’m so happy to be home,” Izzy yawned. He pulled Gilby close and allowed himself to relax. 

The last four months had changed the band. 

Steven announced he was leaving the band to take care of his drug problem. Everyone admired his conviction but also understood it was for Duff’s sake. For two months, he played the drums and stayed as sober as he could on concert nights. He left Duff alone till they finally needed to talk. Duff had offered forgiveness and that was motivation enough for Steven to do better. 

Slash and Axl eased their tensions with each other as well. It was Slash who took initiative and asked if they could talk. The truth had flowed from him like a guitar solo. Axl led by Duff’s example and extended forgiveness. The last of the tension was lifted from the band after that. They started working together like they had in the past. 

Axl and Duff’s relationship flourished over the past four months. Izzy watched Axl step out of the shadow of his past and take care of Duff. He witnessed Duff’s happiness returning and his drinking decrease. Their presence in each others lives stifled the tears and sadness. Izzy basked in their happiness and longed to return home to his own piece of happiness. 

Izzy counted down the days till he got to go home. He longed to be back in the presence of the person he loved instead of surrounded by sadness or stress. Steven leaving was only the start of their problems, they were expected to record a new album during their time away from touring. They needed a new drummer. He hugged Steven close at their last concert of tour and reminded him not to be a stranger. All he could hope was things would sort themselves out.

When they finally returned to LA, Izzy had went bounding off the bus in pure excitement when he saw Gilby waiting for him. Dark blue eyes greeted him and wide open arms beckoned him home. For ten months he had waited for this reunion. Gilby was on tour too which kept them from crossing paths. Phone calls and photos were all Izzy had aside from his memory but he couldn’t wait to get his hands on his little hippy. 

It came as a shock for the rest of the band members who didn’t know that Izzy had a boyfriend or even a relationship. Axl had been aware there was someone that Izzy fancied but nothing more. Duff awed over them and admired their happiness. Izzy didn’t even care about collecting his gear he was that excited to be in Gilby’s presence. 

“It’s been a week, Iz,” Gilby teased. He was aware how much this tour had drained his boyfriend and every moment since he was thankful to be home. 

Cuddled up in their bohemian styled room, the sunlight seeped in and made Gilby’s hair glow. Izzy would do anything to stay in this moment forever. He’d missed all the ridiculous items that covered their walls and the old Persian rugs. All the days spent hunting through antique shops and flea markets, in search of items to decorate their smaller home. It was no mansion but it was their home. Their space to dance to old vinyl’s they rescued and smoke weed together. The place where Izzy’s cat curled up on the small balcony among the plants and waited for them to have breakfast. It was the place he’d find Gilby washing dishes and he could snake his arms around his waist and breath in the smell of weed mixed with cologne. 

Izzy couldn’t help but be happy he was home. 

“Yah, I know. I’m just happy to be with you again,” Izzy said as his eyes grew heavy. He didn’t want to shut the world out. He wanted to stay awake even if he was exhausted. 

Gilby chuckled, “So, did you ask Axl and Duff that little question?” 

Izzy looked up at Gilby and grinned. Oh, he sure did talk to Axl and Duff about that special little question. He’d watched Axl go speechless and Duff’s cheeks burn with embarrassment. It was worth it just for their reactions. He’d do anything for Gilby’s happiness. 

“Long as we don’t interfere with their sex, we can watch or do whatever we want to each other,” Izzy winked. The look on his little hippy’s face was full of surprise and wonderment and he squeaked out a sound of excitement. 

“Happy anniversary, baby,” Izzy said as he pressed a kiss to Gilby’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some kind of Fluffy ending :)
> 
> I also must say I wrote three endings and this was the winner. I figured I ruined your hearts enough with sad, angst filled dysfunction. 
> 
> It was a pleasure writing this over the week!!


End file.
